Those Words from A Parent That Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the truth quickly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger inability to talk among men, who still internalise negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to request a respite - going on a few days abroad, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a friend, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."